Shopper caught masturbating in Sainsbury’s meat aisle banned from every supermarket in UK

Oi, Grandad! Come here! Shit, too late…

I’ve heard some wanky wacky stories in my time, but Eugenio Freitas’ escapade in Sainsbury’s takes playing with your meat and two veg a tad(pole) too far.

The guy had already been copped exposing himself in supermarkets in 2010. Now it appears a 10-minute frame of pocket billiards caught on CCTV last summer concluded with the grandfather pocketing the pink before being confronted by red-faced staff in the Newcastle-Under-Lyme store.

Mr Freitas had ‘fully intended’ to go shopping on July 8 but became overwhelmed by his ‘excessive sexual drive’.

The guy’s obviously got a problem with his meat. Not only has he been banned from every supermarket in the land, but I also suspect that abattoirs and slaughter houses in Staffordshire will be on the look-out for would-be employees looking to give more than their 110%.

Wonder if he’s related to Hannibal Lecter…?