Can you feckin’ believe the fuss the girlie media is making about Justin Bieber and ex-, not-ex Selena Gomez holding hands in public? Yet they say nothing about The Bieb’s strange choice of make-up. They must share…
What would they make of it if he just bent her over the table in Wolfgang’s Steakhouse, the restaurant outside of which the two were seen having this intimate moment, and just gave it to her good and proper, there and then?
Well, apart from the fact that she looks about 12 and Justin Bieber maybe a year older, there may be some sort of under-age sex lawsuit. But if you visited to Wolverhampton often enough, you wouldn’t even tut at that sort of thing.
Okay, to a certain extent, I can understand a little tinsel-town excitement about the two getting back together. But this is what pisses me right off about girlie feckin’ publications like E!. Or should that be Eek!?
Why explain what Justin Bieber is wearing when the photo’s right next to your ‘article’?
There’s a picture of The Bieb immediately adjacent to the article, right? Apart from the fact that he looked a complete and utter scruff-bag (although the outfit probably cost more than my entire wardrobe), this magnificent piece of journalism (about twenty words, a rain-spattered photo and forty-seven exclamation marks) went on to describe everything he was wearing in excruciating detail.
Article, photo. Article, photo. What, do you think we’re feckin’ blind? Or stupid? Guess what, we can see you’re feckin’ photo and do not need telling that the stripe on Justin Bieber’s coat is freakin’ green.
See, it’s getting me het up, now. And I think it’s gonna get worse…
…not content with giving us chapter and verse on Justin Bieber’s outfit, we had a sermon to follow detailing Selena’s get up.
To be fair, those pants – they’re not feckin’ pants, they’re trousers. Pants are what you wear on your head at Christmas parties – those trousers could have been either cheetah or leopard print.
If I see one more feckin’ exclamation mark…!!!!!
And the next headline? “Justin eats at casual restaurants, jut like us!” Excla-feckin’-mation mark. What, do you think he ingests hot dogs through his chocky starfish? Every time he fancies a corn-on-the-cob, checks his ear canal for wax because that’s the way it’s going in?
Of course he eats just like us, you dizzy trollop! And as far as I know neither Justin Bieber’s golf activities nor venture capitalist interests are annoying enough to bar him (okay, maybe a little) from casual restaurants, so why such a feckin’ surprise to see him eating in one?
And the cherry that toppled the chocolate sundae was using the term ‘Jelena’ to refer to the couple who have been ‘spotted together’ several times (hyperlinked to some equally inane article or photo, no doubt – no, I didn’t click it) since they reportedly split up last month.
Yes, we know they’ve been ‘spotted together’ because you, great copywriter, have a veritable gallery of the two running right there, beneath the article, which you, after further exclamation and insightful summary of , “One love!”, cordially invite us to browse through – exclamation mark. Erm, I think not.
And you know what I’d like to do with that feckin’ exclamation mark, don’t you? Yes, demonstrate how Justin Bieber eats his hot dogs. Excla-feckin’-mation mark!!!!
Have your say: Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez – will they last as Jelena until they reach puberty this time? And do you even care?