Sexy VIP e-cigarette advert garners 147 complaints [Video]

Video: Sexy VIP e-cigarette advert garners 147 complaints »

Short 21-second ad viewable at Mirror Online See uncut version, below

.

VIP E-cigs screen capture

“I want to taste it”

Some of the ads that get past censors in Scandinavia and Australia wouldn’t even make YouTube. So when you see mass hysteria for only slightly taboo ads shown on UK TV, you realise exactly why the rest of the world see Brits as prudish.

What makes the complaints about the latest VIP e-cigs advert hard to swallow is that it was shown after the watershed.

What would have happened if the full, uncut version had been shown in the break of “I’m a Celebrity, Get Me Outta Here”?:

So, UK TV audience: what are you objecting to, exactly?

By VIP’s own admission on YouTube, the uncut version (above) wouldn’t have made it past UK censorship. Even then, there’s nothing overtly sexual in the commercial.

True, the actress is all aquiver as if she’s about to have an organism when she states that she wants to put it in her mouth. But surely any innuendo inferred is in the mind of the audience?

  • Is the actress stark naked? No!
  • Is there a man in the clip with her? No!
  • Is there any reference to any tangible object she’s saying she’d like to taste (actually in the ad only, not the uncut version)? Erm, No!

It’s good to see VIP sticking by its guns. Miguel Corral, one of the joint owners of the e-cigarette manufacturers, told the Bolton News:

“Due to advertising regulations we were not permitted to include the product in the ad, so we decided to take a tongue-in-cheek approach to appeal to an adult audience.”

What next? Are the Herbal Essences ads going to be pulled?

If you ask me, the Herbal Essences long-running ad campaign is guilty of exactly the same tactics. There’s an actress (with a lot less clothes on than the VIP e-cigarette actress in her LBD, one hastens to add) washing her hair against the backdrop of a jungle waterfall.

Innocent enough, you say. But she’s been uttering the infamous “Yes, yes!” as she gets herself in a lather for years. And those ads are shown at all times.

Let’s hope Ofcom (I didn’t know the ITC had ceased to exist – 10 years ago. Wow!) don’t react with a knee-jerk ruling.

I like e-cigarettes

I have to admit, after trying patches and gum I thought “vaping” was going to be another let-down. How shocked was I when offered a blast at a party this summer?

Admittedly, they do taste better after six or seven pints of Thatcher’s Gold Cider. But, rather than go outside for a ciggy as the breeze takes on a decidedly wintry edge, a vape as I key away on my word-processor is a very happy compromise between me and my good lady wife.

That’s not to mention the other benefits I’ve found from smoking electronically:

  • a lack of tar clogging my lungs, easing my chest;
  • no toxic fumes flooding the house, tainting my aura and staining the ceiling;
  • the cost, compared to smoking 20 normal ciggies a day.

As you’ll probably guess from the comments above, my better half is very keen on me giving up smoking. After seeing my eyes light up upon trying one of my buddy’s E-lites, she went out and bought me the executive pack.

E-lites Executive Starter Pack

E-lites aren’t the cheapest, but they do tend to be the most widely available. There are many cheaper versions available online in all sorts of styles, with or without nicotine and in more flavours than you can shake a soggy stick (or cigarette butt) at.

The problem most people have is putting faith in brands they don’t know. Especially when they’re going to be inhaling who knows what directly into their lungs.

What I do now, for choice, trust and price, is get mine from Amazon. The vendors there have a very good reason for providing quality products. Why? Because of the very public review system.

As of mid-December 2013, there are almost 1,000 e-cigarettes and starter kits (on Amazon.co.uk)in the Personal Health section alone. Spoilt for choice, I know.

Okay, it’s not giving up. But it’s a start. And I might just make a video of me partaking in an e-lite after sexual intercourse and post that on YouTube. See what the miserable sods make of that.

In fact, I could even film the graphic bit, as a prelude. Got to fill the rest of the 30 seconds with something, right? ☺

Dangerous escalators on loose at Birmingham New Street « Network Rail

Oops! See the full CCTV footage showing the “danger of escalators” at Birmingham New Street Station » Express & Star.

woman falling backwards down escalator

Don’t be fooled – those escalators are dangerous!

Network Rail has begun its Christmas 2013 Safety Campaign in earnest by issuing a video that depicts three numpties failing to tackle that most dangerous of obstacles: The Escalator!

More than one person a day falls foul of these evil mechanisms. In total, 418 “escalator escapades” have been captured on video across the UK’s busiest railway stations.

This result represents a drop of a fifth on last year’s number of numpties, when 512 victims succumbed to the innocent looking booby-traps. However, it’s still way too many for both the rail company and, of course, the HSE.

How dangerous are escalators to humans, really?

There are two distinct messages emanating from Network Rail’s harrowing promotional video, showing how mischievous these monsters of modern technology can be when left alone with unsuspecting numpties:

  1. if you’re carrying heavy shopping, use the lifts;
  2. if you’re wearing high heels, hold the hand rail!

The problem, of course, is that the lifts all smell of wee. Furthermore, they can hold no more than three Midlanders at a time.

The knock-on effect here is not the issue of obesity. No, listening to Brummies for longer than the 30 second ride between platform and ground level turns the elevators more suicidal than Marvin The Paranoid Android. That’s why so may break down. Literally.

But back to the numpties. Rather than exit an elevator smelling of b.o. and recycled ale, many inter-city shoppers would rather take their chance with an escalator escapade fail.

That’s it. Blame the beer!

Puddles of piddle aren’t the only concern, it seems. As well as warning about carrying too much Christmas Spirit whilst sporting Stilettos, many incidents are allegedly caused by inebriated travellers.

Let’s face it, many Saturday afternoon drunks would struggle to negotiate a stationery floor, let alone one rising into the heavens at such speed! But when you’ve had a few, the escalators, well…they’re a challenge, y’know?

There’s a very delicate art to holding your balance, holding that swift half you’ve purloined from the boozer and holding on to your dignity. At least without spilling any.

Everyone in this video made a full recovery. Please tread carefully!

If guys and gals can’t go out and have a few sherberts at Christmas without having to face the swathe of dangerous escalators reportedly attacking innocent travellers, I don’t know what the world’s coming to.

To date, those captured on film haven’t been fatally wounded. But if the menace is left unchecked, you could be the next victim ascending the escalator stairway to heaven…

Anaconda swallows drunk man(?) outside liquor store

Anaconda swallows drunk man (allegedly) outside liquor store.

No wonder he’s hissssing at the onlookers. If the geezer he swallowed was that rat-arsed not to notice his sleeping bag had got fangs and a dislocating jaw, I bet the snake’s got a shocker of a hangover, too!

Man-eating Anaconda

Okay, it’s a good photoshop if it’s fake (Is it? Vote in the poll below↓). But we’ve all been blind drunk enough not to struggle when someone’s slipping a warm blanket over us, right?

For this poor drunken bum, I guess he never reckoned on sharing his last bed with the gastro-juices of a 15′ anaconda. I mean, who would?

One minute you’re propping up a shop doorway with your bottle of Turpentine in a brown paper bag. Next minute, you’re talking to something hissy, slimy and serpentine that’s only got one thing on its mind. Yeah, we’ve all been there too, right? (What, never been to Wolverhampton?)

Is it a drunk or the worst case of serpentine constipation ever?

The figure’s not decidedly human, but I can’t imagine a snake swallowing anything else remotely that size even similar. Too big for a goat. Not small enough for an elephant. They’re rarer than drunks in doorways, anyway.

And another thing: how on Earth are they ever going to confirm that it was the wino, anyway? Something tells me there’ll be no fingerprints. And what about the guy’s teeth? Does the pathologist just wait for the snake to “go” and try and reassemble the dentures?

I mean, you can’t blame the anaconda. But you can bet it’s gonna be cut open to verify the remains…
…what little there’ll be left. How gruesome a job would that be? Nuh, uh! Gimme the job of rebuilding the dentures.

Poor thing. It only popped out for an Indian and look at the fuss it’s caused…

Cast your vote: is the photo real?

Shopper caught masturbating in Sainsbury’s meat aisle banned from every supermarket in UK

Jason Darrell:

Oi, Grandad! Come here! Shit, too late…

I’ve heard some wanky wacky stories in my time, but Eugenio Freitas’ escapade in Sainsbury’s takes playing with your meat and two veg a tad(pole) too far.

The guy had already been copped exposing himself in supermarkets in 2010. Now it appears a 10-minute frame of pocket billiards caught on CCTV last summer concluded with the grandfather pocketing the pink before being confronted by red-faced staff in the Newcastle-Under-Lyme store.

Mr Freitas had ‘fully intended’ to go shopping on July 8 but became overwhelmed by his ‘excessive sexual drive’.

The guy’s obviously got a problem with his meat. Not only has he been banned from every supermarket in the land, but I also suspect that abattoirs and slaughter houses in Staffordshire will be on the look-out for would-be employees looking to give more than their 110%.

Wonder if he’s related to Hannibal Lecter…?

Originally posted on Metro:

Eugenio Freitas: Shopper caught masturbating in Sainsbury's meat aisle

Eugenio Freitas left shoppers disgusted after he was spotted performing a sex act on himself in a supermarket (Picture: NTI)

A grandfather caught masturbating in a Sainsbury’s meat aisle has been banned from every supermarket in UK.

Eugenio Freitas, 49, was recorded on CCTV pleasuring himself through his trousers for ten minutes at a store in Newcastle-under-Lyme, Staffordshire.

The married father-of-four pleaded guilty to outraging public decency and was handed a six-month suspended prison sentence on Wednesday.

A court heard how Mr Freitas had ‘fully intended’ to go shopping on July 8 but became overwhelmed by his ‘excessive sexual drive’.

‘At first a member of staff gave him the benefit of the doubt and assumed he was adjusting himself,’ said prosecutor Marcus Harry.

Sainsbury's rings in record Christmas sales

Eugenio Freitas was caught masturbating in Sainsbury’s (Picture: PA)

‘But she was then called to the CCTV area after a shopper complained to a security officer.

‘The…

View original 71 more words